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Submitted By Makenzielc987
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The NICU life:
I wake up not having slept. My mind races throughout the night. I pump my milk faithfully because I know a certain little man needs it more than I will ever know. I call the nurse almost every 4 hours. Is he ok? Did he have episodes of low numbers? Is he still off the breathing machine? Can you please give him a hug for me. All these thoughts race my mind and I cant escape it. I finally shower. My eyes look like I've been punched because the dark circles are so bad from lack of sleep. My hair is barely brushed. Half the time I don't even know what I am doing because I am so focused on seeing my son. Finally I get in my car and drive 30-45 minutes to see him, depending on traffic. I cuss as I try to find parking at the hospital and it frustrates me. Will I make it in time to see him being fed, will I be able to hold him today. Did he miss me, does he know how much I love him. I cant even type this status because tears roll down my face. Finally I get a parking spot. I race to the elevators, second floor please. I take the long walk down the hallway to his nursery. Its quiet and there is always a chill in the air. Breast milk in hand I finally reach the check in. I sign in, rush to scrub my hands, sanitize my hands and get my special ID badge. At this point it seems like hours have gone by since I left my house. My mind still races. Finally I walk back and see him. There he is all snuggled in, at this point I'm exhausted but I can finally breathe, or can I? Wait, whats wrong? Why is his heart rate so low, why did he desat to 60, why are his lips turning blue, why are you putting a mask over my sons face? I just got here and when I CALLED YOU SAID EVERYTHING WAS FINE...PLEASE STOP THE ALARMS, IM GONNA PASS OUT, I CANT TAKE IT.......... And just like that, its over. His lips are no longer blue, his heart rate came up and OMG HE IS SMILING AT ME...Just…...

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